Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
