So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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