I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
