I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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