the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
