How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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