$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
3 2 1 whiskey
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
