so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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