Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
