Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
