I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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