the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
