She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
