He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
