i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
