Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
