my vag is so smooth its legendary
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
