my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
