Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
