i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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