Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
