Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
