Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
