Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I seem to have left my pride at pride
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
