shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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