i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
