so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
