Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
