So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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