Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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