Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
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