i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
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