I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
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