i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
