Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Randomize
