are you still at the devil's house?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
