I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
