So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
