We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
