weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I have post one night stand depression
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