His pubic hair was longer than his dick
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
foreskin is a definite game changer
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
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