after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
