I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize
