Swine flu. Run for my life!
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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