Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
