If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Tornado booty call.. dedication
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
