Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
