She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
