I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
