Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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