we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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