once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
