we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
God, I missed his penis.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
