i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
