Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize