if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
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