Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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