while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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