Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
