omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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