I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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