i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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