I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Randomize
