Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"