I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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