my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
