just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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