I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
