You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
