Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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