where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
honey bunches of taint.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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