apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
