i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
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