I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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