We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
