dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Terrible idea I love it
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
