I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
