The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
My nipple is on Facebook.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
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Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize