I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
