You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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