nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
My vagina is very pro this idea
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
