Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
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